Weigh-In Wedneday: Running Goals Defeated?

(photo courtesy of http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/35302797_pWsB8Yh9_c.jpg)

Welcome to another lovely edition of Weigh-in Wednesday! Last week I talked about how I needed to follow the doctor's orders and eat white, starchy carbs for my diet in order to heal my crazy stomach virus. At this point, I've been eating normal food again since last Friday evening and I am aiming to get back on track with everything as far as working on a losing a few of my winter pounds. The stomach virus truthfully took care of almost all of the weight I was aiming to lose (SCORE!) but I would still like to get myself back in a routine of healthy, good-portioned eating so that I can keep them away. So far this week I feel like I have done well with the eating and I'm not too concerned about it. The thing I am concerned about: my April running goal. That virus pretty much trampled all my running plans last week and then over the weekend I was in a class Friday evening and most of the day on Saturday. That meant no time for my Saturday morning runs. So, with two weekends blown thanks to sickness and school, my April goal of 30 miles for 30 days is looking grim. I've met all my other goals for this year so far on my New Year's Resolution and considering this was the first year I decided to make one because I knew I could stick to it, I'm going to be pretty bummed if I can't find a way to make this April sitch happen. I sat down the other night and decided that if I can run 12 miles this week and next week, I'll only need to run 4 miles on the last 3 days of April which fall on a Monday-Wednesday. Honestly, the goal of 12 miles is a wee-bit lofty but I think I have managed a schedule that I can make work. I ran 3 miles on Monday evening and I will run 3 miles after school today. Then I need to run another 3 on Thursday afternoon and 3 on Saturday. That will give me 12 total and I will need to lather, rinse, repeat for next week. I hate pushing my body like that since I haven't been normally running that much lately but I really want to meet the goal. This 12 miles/week thing totally goes against my "balance" mantra but maybe it's alright because it's only for 2 weeks? Thoughts?

(photo courtesy of http://thetimeisnow-30lbs.tumblr.com/)

Okay, Ryan. Thanks for the encouragement.

I think I can hang with the schedule for just that short period of time but man, did that virus knock me for a loop last week. Crazy stuff! So glad I'm back to normal. I'll try to keep my imaginary BF Ryan in my mind while I'm lacing up my kicks for the next couple of weeks. After all, it's honestly not the running 12 miles each week that will be difficult — I never mind running once I am doing it. It's the making time and pushing myself to get going. As so many runners say, it's not the miles that are hard. It truly is that first step. Cross your fingers for me; I've got 14 days left and 25 miles to go. Phew. ~B

***On a side note, would any of you peeps be interested in linking up our Weigh-In Wednesday posts? I was thinking of creating one and would love a co-host or two. Any takers?***

Win a $100 J.Crew Gift Card!

I'm super excited to announce that I've teamed up with the lovely ladies from The Daily Deelight, Miller Memoires, Postcards from Rachel, Between Dreams, Like Ordinary Life, The Mosbys in China, Scuttle, One to Nothin', and The Quixotic Chica to bring you an incredible giveaway! Enter to win $100 to J.Crew!

If I won the $100, I know just what I'd buy. I'm absolutely LOVING the Maritime blazer in stripe. It used to be $138.00 but it's now on sale for $99.00 — meant to be! What will you buy if you win?

(photo courtesy of jcrew.com)

Click the "rafflecopter" link below to enter now!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

First column: The Daily Deelight, Miller Memoires, Postcards from Rachel, Between Dreams

Second column: Like Ordinary Life, The Mosbys in China

Third column: Scuttle, One to Nothin', The Quixotic Chica, Who Moved My Cheesecake?

Nexxxxxt.

 

[gallery type="rectangular" ids=",1143,1142"]

As we probably all guessed, I have not heard from The Brit any more since that day at the zoo when I realized my cheesecake was not British. After feeling completely insulted by him, I wasn't particularly heart-broken to have his name stop popping up on my phone. Even my crazy-friend called him an asshole in my last session. So, it's time to move on to the next guy. First, though, I have to find a next guy.

I'm on OKCupid.com and eHarmony as I have said in a previous post and to be truthful (and really, when am I not?) I haven't had much luck yet. I did get closer to luck the last few times I've been interested in someone from OKCupid though so I guess I need to stay positive. There was a guy I liked from there back in December but he turned out to like somebody else a bit better than myself. And then The Brit who was so awesome but had some sort of duel-personality situation.... and I was only compatible with one of them. So, back to the drawing board.

While I am someone who interacts easily and readily with the people around me, I think I like the idea of online dating even strange as it can be. It seems like a good idea to be able to see pictures and see someone put their best foot forward as their online self. If you can't like someone's best self as they show it online, how could you like them when they are at their worst? It seems that online dating would allow me to be judgmental in the privacy of my own home and without hurting anyone's feelings too much in the process. I can view profiles, decide what I like and what I don't like and choose to message or not message from there. The sting of rejection seems to nearly disappear when you are not even seeing that person face to face. The downside is that people can portray themselves completely differently than they really are and that can get tricky and seriously disappointing. I tend to move to the "let's get coffee" stage pretty quickly after testing things over for a while on these sites. If a person can hold my interest enough to a) message/message them back in the first place b) carry on a conversation that doesn't make me want to run away and c) speak articulately and use proper words than I will usually be willing to sit down and have coffee. Truthfully, those three criteria I gave weed out about 98% of the online dating databases for me and the other 2% are hard to find. When I find them, I am willing to at least give it an hour to meet someone new based on the chance it could be a good meet up.

So, right now I am looking for that 2% that I can meet up and see what happens with. I am looking for someone who doesn't make me want to run away before I can even learn their name. I'm really feeling like I need to start meeting some people. My life is slipping by day by day and wasn't it Jhn Lennon who said "life is what happens while you're busy making other plans?" I need to stop planning for when I meet and guy and get to the actual meeting some guys part. The more I meet the better my chances of finding a quality someone, right?

And after all, this is a blog about the pursuit of love — it's mandatory research. :)

~B

The Sunday Currently, {1}

thinking about how I have a ton I'd love to do with the blog and way too little time to do it all.

wishing I had more time to spend with my brother over the weekend while he was visiting. He came home for my Mom and Aunt's birthday and I was in class a majority of the time.

wanting to make some major changes in the way I am living right now and trying to figure out the best ways to do that. I need to be more productive and have more time to do the things I love to do.

reading some new blogs to see if I can find myself some new inspiration.

listening to Mumford and Sons because it's become a bit of a guilty pleasure.

smelling pizza! I was over at Tina's house tonight for our blog date and we had wine and Ledo's pizza whilst we worked. I can still smell the deliciousness on my fingers just a bit.

loving the fact that Tina and I got some pretty cool stuff done tonight for the blog. I love the buttons we made (okay, mostly her) and that I feel a little more educated on some of the blog jargon she'd been throwing at me.

feeling sad that it's 10:00pm on Sunday night. Is this weekend really already over? Back to work already?

hoping my Mom had a wonderful birthday today. She means so much to me and I'm not even sure I could ever explain how much that is that to her. I just want her to be happy and I hope that today was a nice day for her.

writing a few things to catch up for the week.

wearing a new scarf my brother bought me as a congratulations present for finishing grad school. Love it! He knows me so well!

needing sleep. I slept at my parent's house this weekend and there is just something about not being in your own bed that makes you sleep a little (or in my case a lot) less soundly.

clicking on bloglovin!

Head over to siddathornton to link up with Lauren for Sunday Currently and see all the other cool stuff she posts!

Changes!

I am really, really excited to announce that I have a BLOG DATE with my girl Tina from  Like Ordinary Life on Sunday. I see her at school regularly but she's sort of a blog goddess in my eyes. She's able to capture herself in a way I really envy through her posts and though the general feel of her site. I've been asking for her advice since day one of starting this blog and she's honestly the person that gave me the biggest push to get things rolling on here. When I embarked upon this endeavor, to be truthful, I thought I knew a lot more and talked blogs with Tina pretty regularly. After all, I used to have a blog about weight loss and my journey with that — it couldn't be so different, right? Ha! The post writing isn't so different (except that I get to write about a lot more stuff over here than I did on the old blog) but the rest is pretty different. Before, I was so small scale and really had no idea thre was anything more. I feel dumb even admitting that but it's true. Now, if I really want to be a real bonafide blog with views and linkups and bloghops and sponsored posts and all that other good stuff, I've got to reach out and ask for some help. Quick, Tina, help!

I didn't really put a whole lot of front-loading into this blog. I had an idea for a concept for a few months but never did anything with it. After talking about it a dozen times I finally decided to do it one night and so I just sat down and created it. I got the title, the web space and started writing. Now, after writing for a month or so, it's becoming a solid part of my life and a part that I am proud of... or that I want to be proud of. I have mostly been holding up my end of the bargain as far as the posts go but the actual site is seriously lacking in creativity and all the little pieces of me. There's no Brooke-Sparkle here yet. I need a logo and pictures and pizzazz. I need personalized designs and fun things to make it feel a bit more like home. The site should give people an idea of who I am just by clicking onto the front page and right now, I don't feel like it's doing that at all. I'm hoping to start figuring that out this weekend. I don't think we'll be able to remedy that piece but we can at least get some ideas on how to get that accomplished.

We're planning to sit down Sunday night and I'm ready to really dig into this blog. I need to get an editorial schedule written for myself, make some plans for where I see things going and I need to think about getting in touch with other bloggers. Other than Tina, who I found at my school, I haven't really figured out how to navigate into the world of blog networking and create the connections that lead to post swaps and all sorts of fun and exciting things that will really help get me in touch with more people.

I feel like blogging helps me to feel like a whole person. It keeps me balanced and provides me with some space for my creativity and thoughtfulness. I've really missed it while I have been away and need it back in my life. If I can get things rolling in a way that makes me feel solid and good about it, I know it will make a huge difference in how I view the 'what I'm doing with my life' part of things I posted about yesterday. So, I'm hoping this blog date of mine turns out to be as fruitful as I hope it to be. I've got my super-secret-old-school note that Tina left for me on Monday with all her ideas she has for me and I've already chipped a few of them away. I'm going to be carrying my pen and paper around the next few days as well so I can be sure to write down all my questions for when I get there. I'm so giddy with excitement — it's like buying new school supplies — oh, the potential!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Head In The Clouds

My kiddos are playing at developmental centers and happily bringing me their latest creations they've pretend whipped up in the kitchen center. I take a make-believe bite or two, they giggle, and run back off to play some more with their friends. I dive back into whatever it was I was working on but truly, my mind is somewhere else. It's thinking about what I want to write next, how I can get more tutoring clients and fit them into my schedule and the best way to think 'outside the box' and make a life for myself that I will be able to smile every day at. I thought the very same thing as I was driving through my neighborhood the other day on my way back to school with the popcorn for our class party; is this really my life? Is this really where I am? And thinking now, more importantly, why I am spending my days with my head in the clouds instead of being happy and present in the current moment? There's a problem there.

As I sit and try to figure out how to even begin to organize my thoughts for this post, the very idea of writing it seems selfish. I have a good, solid job which pays my bills and allows me a few luxuries here and there. I can eat out with my friends and family once in a while and I can buy a new dress once when I need one. I can afford to go to Happy Hour after work on Friday for a drink or two if I'd like. I am almost done paying off my debt and then I will have enough money to actually be saving some at the end of every month. For all of these things, I am tremendously grateful. These things are huge things that many do not have. I do understand how lucky I am to be able to say that I can do all of these things and I don't mean to sound like I am not when I speak of how I dislike my job. The things is, as immensely strange or conceded or egotistical as it may sound, I expect more of myself. Not more meaning that teaching is not enough of a job (because truly, the teachers I know are the hardest working people I know) but meaning that teaching is not my true purpose, and therefore, I expect I would not linger since it is not where I am supposed to be.

I need to find my path in life. I think that teaching is a stepping stone — it has taught me a lot about myself and about how much I truly love working with children. It has taught me patience and to laugh even when I sometimes feel like crying. It has reminded me of a lot of lessons that I hard forgotten while trying to become a grown up. Some days I feel I learn more from my kids than they probably do from me. All of this said, I feel that after just 5 years of being a teacher, I am already becoming burned out and complacent in my job. I am not doing everything I could be doing to prepare myself for the day ahead and I honestly am not interested in doing any more. While my kids learn every day and go home smiling and singing songs way more often than not, I feel I could be doing a much better job. Surely I am being a bit hard on myself, but if that is the case, how do you ever learn to feel good about your job when you know you are not doing your best? I speak to this all the time with my students and yet I am not practicing what I preach in my own classroom.

I am sure a lot of teachers feel the way I feel. We are being forced into doing so many things daily and being asked to try out so many programs on our children that we know are inappropriate (because we actually spend time with these kids every day). We spend our days rerouting paperwork and reworking each activity to make it more fitting to the little people in our rooms and we, as teachers and professionals, get lost somewhere along the way. We burn out. We feel tried. We get grumpy. And the people who sent these activities and made these rules and came up with these asinine ideas aren't around... So guess who misses out on happy, smiley teacher? Not the head-honchos. The kids. And that just sucks.

I think the bottom line is that I fundamentally like the root of my job — the kids. And I need to figure out the best way for me to be able to do that and still feel like I am succeeding each day. I spend my days helping kids — that part I love — but this teacher thing is just not me. (Good thing I have a Master's degree in it, right? Well, at least I will after my last class tonight!) I feel trapped and constrained and it drags me down. I have a million ideas on things I could change and try and pursue but I can't seem to ever have the time to really focus and plan how to leap into something else so that it would be half way secure. Or maybe I am just to scared that if I stop running on this treadmill of busy teacherdom, I might actually figure it out and have to do it. I have to face the facts that nothing is going to fall into my lap. Nothing ever does that — you have to plan and work for things. This used to be the part of life I was very good at. I used to be a master planner when it came to life but I feel that side of me has been hiding lately because all these plans that I have made and achieved aren't really panning out the way I had hoped. I think that's life though. So, now what?

I think now is the time I need 'more doing and less bitching,' as they say. I need to stop talking about how things suck and find a new plan to make some real changes. It's April. I'm certainly not making any changes before summer hits. So until that time, I will hopefully not be posting any more posts like this. I need to settle in, find my happy face and get with the program for a few more months. I need to actually read "The Happiness Project" and work on getting happier, dammit. And then, when summer comes and I have some time to focus on what I want, I need to think about how I can make some changes and go into next school year with either a new plan or a new attitude. Phew. Good talk.

Weigh-in Wednesday: Doctor's Orders

After being sick all weekend, I really thought I had turned a corner by Monday afternoon and I was coasting easily into being well again. I decided to get soup for dinner to mix up my diet of ginger ale and saltines a bit. Bad choice. I chose egg drop soup because it was easily attained at a nearby Chinese food place and it seems like a bland enough substance for a working-my-way-back-to-real-food meal. Ohhhh, was I wrong. Folks, when sick with a stomach virus, DO NOT eat egg drop soup — at least that's what I was told when I saw the doctor on Tuesday when I was, once again, not at school. The eggs are too rich and fatty for a healing stomach. Oh. Wish I had known that sooner. Live and learn, I guess.

After eating that cup of egg drop soup, my stomach began cramping within the hour and the rest of the night was all downhill from there. I did not sleep at all between 10:00pm and 3:51am and was up every 20 minutes or so. It was rough. Really, really rough. Around 4:00am, I fell asleep and awoke at 5:30am for some random reason and felt terrible. I knew I had to call in sick again for Tuesday. When I visited the doctor, they gave me some meds to take every few hours to help settle my stomach and gave me a strict diet to follow. All of the things on her list are the very things I routinely stay away from. I actually audibly laughed when she began listing off the food I was supposed to eat. She didn't find my "I eat low-carb" reasoning to be particularly hilarious.

This stomach virus, thanks to sleeping a lot and not eating or drinking much either, has lost me about 6 pounds. Oh hey, goal weight! Except that as soon as I start eating again, they will likely come right back. Bummer. And with my doctor imposed eating regimen for the next week (yeah, she said a whole WEEK), I'm a little worried they will come back with a vengeance. I am supposed to eat plain white toast, plain white rice, plain baked white potatoes and chicken with rice soup. Also, I can indulge with a jello if I'd like it. I must stay away from milk, yogurt, cheese and eggs and anything specifically fatty. Well, there goes my new eating plan. Ha!

I am going to follow what the doctor says because it really, really sucks to be this sick. It's absolutely miserable to be trapped inside in this wonderfully warm weather with a stomach virus. Not to mention the huge damper it's putting on my April running goal. I'm going to stay off the scale until after my week of white-carb eating is up and then just go back to doing what I know I should be doing. And besides, if I eat these foods in moderation (and truly, who is that hungry for plain toast, anyway? And I'm honestly not even hungry at all right now), it shouldn't be that bad. Or at least that's what I am hoping. My calorie count will be low naturally because there's not a lot of nutrients in what I am eating and the carbs are really all there is. I will not restrict these things but with my stomach the way it is, eating a lot is not an option.

I can't be worried about weight when I need to heal. I must remember this. Heath over weight. Health over weight. I know this rule but I seem to forget it pretty often.

 

~B