My Cheesecake is not British.

Yesterday I went on my long-awaited second date with The Brit. As you probably discerned from my post on Friday and from my tweets recently, I have been getting a little anxious about the whole situation. His personality seemed to do a 180 from Tuesday to Sunday and that was a little confusing. But, I decided that maybe, just maybe, I was reading into it all a little too much. This would not be an uncommon thing for me to do. And honestly, at this point, with the story I am about to tell, you should probably still keep my over-analyzing ways in the back of your mind. I could be completely off-base here. But I don't think so.

So, let's start with Thursday night to get a full explanation of everything. I decided I would send him a text message on Thursday around 6:30pm to just say hello and see how his day was. After all, since he had been so great with calling on Tuesday and texting from London, I thought it was only natural that I should initiate some conversation to show that I was interested. So, I texted. And guess what? He did not. Not even a chuckle back, or a "hey, I'm sorry, I'm really busy tonight but let's talk soon." Nothing. I heard nothing from him. And this immediately sent my brain into panic mode. I tried to remember that he really was probably busy and that it was normal that he hadn't texted. Not everyone is as big on texting as I am. Conversely, the crazy-girl part of my brain had him going on dates every day last week and all weekend up until he was meeting me on Sunday and he was annoyed I had even spoken to him without his permission. Damn, I hate that crazy-girl. She is so annoying. So, I battled it out with that inner crazy-girl all night trying my hardest to let the sane and forgiving girl win the battle. By 11:00, I decided I needed to go to bed and stop thinking about all of it. I decided I would text him around lunchtime on Friday and causally make a joke about s'mores again (I texted about these on Thursday night) and this would spark discussion about the unanswered text from the night before without going full crazy-girl, "why didn't you get back to me???" on him. I said something like, "Happy Friday! We made it to the weekend. Too bad there are no s'mores today though. :(" This time, he, thankfully, got back to me. He said "what? No s'mores? There should always be s'mores!" What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I didn't know if he had gotten my text and was just glossing over it or he was not really sure why I was mentioning s'mores but going with it instead of calling out my weirdness. So, then, I tried to find out. Awkward. He had apparently gotten my text but said he was driving and then didn't get back to me. And then I, being me, over-explained like a freak show and blah, blah, blah. The whole exchange was weird and uncomfortable. And while I quickly ended that exchange trying to leave things with the least amount of awkward as possible, I still felt uneasy about it. And then, to make things even more exciting and drama-filled, I didn't hear from him again that day. Awesome.

So, now, let's talk Saturday. I spent the whole day in a bad mood, to be honest. I was annoyed I hadn't heard from The Brit anymore on Friday and annoyed because we still hadn't talked anymore about what we would do on Sunday. At this point, I was doubting seriously whether it was still even going to happen. I almost caved and texted him about 32 times throughout the course of Saturday afternoon on the grounds of "why should I have to be anxious and pissed off because he can't get his shit together and text me already." But, I didn't. I waited. And waited. And waited. Around 6:45pm on Saturday, he texted me asking if plans were still on for Sunday and inviting me to the zoo. This sounded excellent (despite the fact that it was supposed to be 43 degrees) and then I felt completely stupid and like I had been over-analyzing it way too much the whole weekend. Maybe he really was just busy.

On Sunday, I drove to the zoo and texted him on my way into the city so that he could get on the road too because he lives nearby. He texts back that he will leave right away. I get to the zoo twenty minutes later and he is not there. He texts saying there is really bad traffic. I wait about 25-30 minutes outside in the cold for him to get there. He got a complete pass for this though because he can't help traffic and I am really excited for this date. When he walks up, he immediately announces that he is "completely hungover" and has a terrible headache. I think, wow, glad to see you again too. Thanks for dragging yourself out of bed to get here. Late. Admittedly, I did, for one second, wonder how much traffic there really was based on this announcement. I brushed it off though and we went to get tickets. The lady working says, "Would you like to buy some tickets now? (Probably because I had been standing nearby for 30 minutes...) and he says, "no, not yet." She looks confused. And he follows up quickly with, "yes, tickets now." It was really weird. I'm not sure who was more confused, me or the poor ticket lady. Either way, we both pretended it didn't happen and moved on. Inside the zoo, he asked me where I wanted to go and we ended up just meandering through. Soon enough, we see food, and his hungover-self needed something to eat, presumably because he's had nothing so far today and its 2:15pm. I had already eaten lunch and was hoping we would go to dinner after the zoo but I quickly realized that was not happening when he ordered chicken tenders and fries.

We sat and talked while he eats his food. He offered me a chip, which I thanked him for but declined, and then the conversation is pretty aimless. We talked about how it came to be that he is so hungover and he asked me about what I did on Saturday night. I immediately made a mental note of how he should know what I did since I told him and invited him to my band's show which he seemed to ignore and gloss over on Tuesday, but I told him anyway and pretended it didn't matter. After all, he wasn't feeling well, maybe he just forgot. I tell him all about my show and chat happily along. He finished his food and then pushed over the empty food tray and to tell me there are "fun facts to read on the inside about tigers and shit." So strange. I pretend to read it for a minute or two (long enough for me to feel uncomfortable and unsure of what to do) and then, when I felt it was time to move on towards animals, I folded the trash and paper insert to throw it away. He commented about how I was cleaning up after him and I apologized. I hadn't even realized I was doing it. Habit from school, I explained. He joked about getting used to it or something along those lines and felt slightly annoyed but again, brushed it off. Maybe he didn't mean it as I was taking it.

From here, we looked through the petting zoo barnyard area and then went to see the chimpanzee house. The chimps were really neat and we stayed there a while. He made a lot of inappropriate comments about their naked butts but he is a guy after all, and I guess it was to be expected. While walking to the next exhibit, he asked me about my favorite animal. He said I could only pick one. I thought, and chose and explained. Later, I asked him the same question and gave the same rules. His response was that it was a silly question and no one could pick just one favorite animal. When I protested, he told me that I didn't think to question the rules. And I felt like he was questioning my intelligence a bit, and got slightly offended, but let it drop. Maybe I had just missed the humor in it. We went on to look at elephants, giraffes, rhinos and a lot of other different animals. I was honestly pretty quiet at this point because I was taking things in and was truthfully a little afraid of saying something that made me uncomfortable again due to his response. I love animals and I loved seeing so many wonderful creatures. He kept me laughing at funny commentary at the animals most of the time though, so the other weird things that had happened were mostly overlooked and/or forgotten for the time being.

Next, we went to see the 46 (we asked) penguins during their feeding time. It was so neat! The were really beautiful and funny. As some point, we ended up talking about jobs again and he asked me about teaching. I explained that I really love teaching little kids but sometimes I feel like it makes me less smart as time goes on. I talk with children all day and my adult conversation skills go out the window sometimes. I am very conscious of the fact that my vast vocabulary does not get utilized on a regular basis as I work with children who will not understand my words. In explaining this, I said I "feel like I lose vocabulary all the time." He replied with, "and you end up saying things like, "I lose vocabulary..." And I didn't understand what he was getting at. I tried to explain that while it may not have been the most eloquent sentence ever uttered, it seemed alright. He didn't explain and again, I felt stupid. Like he was making fun of me in some way I didn't understand. This time, I didn't let it ruin my day but definitely filed it away because it really did bother me. I'm a smart, vibrant and articulate girl and do not appreciate people who make me feel stupid or inferior.

As we walked back to the gates towards the exit, we continued to talk pleasantly as we had before the comment that had bothered me. I apologized for being quiet that day, as I felt I was less talkative that I normally am, and blamed it on being so involved in looking at the animals and the beautiful exhibits. He said he hadn't noticed and that it was fine. He walked me to my car but did not kiss me goodbye or make plans to see me again. He hugged me and said, "see you soon" just as he had on our first date. After that date though, he told me he didn't kiss me because I had been sick and coughing. So, what was his reasoning now? This seemed really strange to me.

I didn't hear from him after the date last night and didn't feel the need to text him either. I am feeling like everything with his has runs its course. I don't think I will hear from him again. He didn't kiss me goodbye, and even knowing I was on spring break this week and off work, didn't offer up any ideas for a next date. I feel like he needs to make the next move here but I really have no faith that there is a next move. I could be wrong. He could call me this week. I really don't know. Maybe he was just having an off day. I don't think it's a particularly good sign to show up on a long-awaited second date hungover. And if you are, couldn't you at least hide it? I feel like there was nothing there yesterday. No spark. No excitement for either one of us. And while I would give him another chance because I was really hopeful, I don't get the feeling that there will be one. Not holding my breath.

My cheesecake, as it seems, is not British.