The Light and The Shade

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about something that just about every woman in the dating world probably grapples with on a regular basis. It is at odds with the "he's just not that into you" lifestyle and, to be honest, I have trouble deciding if I can fully buy into it myself. Basically, it's a the idea that men, as a gender, are single-minded and women, as a gender, are multitaskers. There is nothing disputed in these facts.

Over the course of a day, I think of an absolutely absurd number of things. While teaching addition to my kindergarten class, thinking about when I will take my dogs to get their nails clipped, deciding on paint colors, thinking about the show my band will play this week and dealing with the discipline issues arising in my classroom. All of these things happen simultaneously and seamlessly. Yet, even with all these things running though my brain, I still somehow manage to find the time to think about how I heard/didn't hear/want to hear/need to hear/why haven't I/when will I hear from so and so. These kind of relentlessly cycled thoughts are often about guys but they can apply to just about anyone I need/want to speak with. Men, on the other hand, seem to be able to focus on one thing at a time and leave the rest for when they can get to it. While multitasking is usually really useful, how annoying it can be. It begs the question, what am I messing up because I think about so many other things? How much more effective could I be in my life if I simply took things as they came and stopped worrying? Or even better, how much better could I be if I simply let things happen as they will and didn't allow all the extraneous information and possibilities cloud my thoughts. While I truly do not believe that "ignorance is bliss" and I would much rather be informed on as many things as I can, I do get awfully sick of torturing myself and worrying about things that will likely never even happen.

I digress. As a species, are we women appropriately expecting the worst and/or worrying in regards to dating and relationships or do the men have it correct? Is it smarter for them to speak to us when they need to and leave the rest up to fate? Women want to talk often in relationships while men are more than alright with letting time pass between speaking. For a woman, this passing time breeds worry and cause for concern. We sit and brood over what went wrong and knit-pick every sentence from the previous conversation. While the man, sits contently watching TV or hanging out with his friends never even thinking to be concerned that he hasn't spoken with the girl. We usually create imaginary problems that disappear as soon as the phone rings again and we hear the person's voice on the line. Sweet relief for a problem that was never really even a problem.

I am a worrier. When I heard from The Brit, I was overjoyed. Like I said, I couldn't stop smiling. This was true until I decided to text him to say hello and didn't hear back in a time that seemed "usual" to me. Now, in my rational brain, I know he was probably busy and preoccupied with other things when I texted. But in my worrier brain, when I didn't hear from him, I jumped impressively hastily to, "what if he is out with someone else?" or "what if I offended him by texting?" And to think... I was doing to well with the on self-sabotaging....

I have absolutely no idea how to calm this line of thinking. It's irrational and yet almost every woman I know admits to doing it on a regular basis. What causes these severe insecurities and disturbances in our thinking? Why do us women, as a gender, tend to be so 'doom and gloom' when it comes to relationships?

I'm reading Anna Karenina right now (ironically because I needed a new book and The Brit said it was his favorite) and I read a line tonight that seems to resonate with me and maybe sums up the crux of the issue for me...

"All the variety, all the charm, all the beauty of life are made up of the light and the shade." - Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina