Dating — Maybe I'm doing it wrong?

I was walking though a store last weekend when my mother gets a grave look on her face and tells me she has a confession to make. I immediately jump to about 12 different and equally horrific conclusions in my head but just pause and ask her to continue. With an incredibly sheepish look on her face, she informs me that she did something "terrible" and sent my blog and a message to someone on Facebook (a former student of hers who I am also friends with) who she thought might be interested in dating me. She confessed to trying to fix me up — phew! With the look on her face when she told me, you would have thought she was confessing to murder. I actually laughed out loud at this confession of hers because it was so silly. "Mom, its really okay. Besides, I've already given him an opening and he didn't take it," I said. And it was true. This person she sent my blog to (and actually, the blog part was sort of funny because truly, no right-minded 30 year-old wants to read an open letter to a future husband on a datable girl's blog... that stuff is all well and good after a relationship is established but beforehand its like kryptonite.) and I had actually spoken a bit a few months back and I tried to make it clear, without being completely overt, that I was interested in catching up and seeing if there could be any sparks. He flirted back but never took it any farther and never asked me out. Right. Story of my life. So, after this confession from my mom, I decided to message him on Facebook myself and apologize for my mom's fix-up. I mean, it was a little embarrassing and if it opened a door, what did I have to lose? No harm in trying again, right?

I messaged him and he messaged me back soon after. He told me it was fine and that he didn't blame my mom. He told me I was "great" and that I shouldn't expect anything less from my mom as she knew that we were "both awesome people." Wow. Is this a breakup already? We aren't even dating — a simple "no problem, I thought it was nice!" would have done just fine. But instead, he continued to chat me up about dating and how tough it was and all of these things we have in common. Okay, wait. Are you interested or not? I was baffled. I tried to push on and understand. Eventually, he told me he was confused as to how I was single because there were probably plenty of guys I could hit on. I said, "I'm sure I do... However, call me old-fashioned but I think the guy should initiate." According to him, that is my problem right there. He said (direct quote form the messages, I swear) "The only guys who initiate are usually just trying to bang you." What? Seriously? That is a problem. A big one. I'm not that girl and that will never work out.

That can't really be true though, can it? I will die alone if that is the case. I am happy to flirt and flirt and flirt but when it comes down to the, "hey, do you want to grab some coffee or a drink sometime?" part, I really think it's the guy that should ask. I mean, there are certainly times when I might ask because I get sick of waiting and it's imperative to me that we get to know each other, but that is the exception, not the rule. The rule is that the guy should do the asking... right? Isn't that the rule? Why am I suddenly being told it's not? Someone please tell me this dude had it all wrong. I believe all's fair and equal and I have the right and ability to ask just as much as he does but that if it's the right guy, I shouldn't have to.

Maybe this is why I am still single. Maybe I am supposed to be asking all these boys I see around town out myself. But that's not what happens in all the movies and on TV and in my books. That's not what "He's Just Not That Into You" taught me and it's not they way all my friends that are married started dating their significant others. It's not that I don't want the ability to ask — I do — I just don't want to have to ask to make it happen. I want the guy to be intrigued enough by me to push through the possible rejection and put himself out there for long enough to ask me out. I want it to matter enough to him that he makes the effort. And honestly, that doesn't really seem like so much to ask. And yet, here I sit, single, for all intensive purposes with the exception of the guy I "wasn't dating," for the last 7 years.

So maybe it really is me. And if it is, WHAT THE HELL? How did I get this dating thing so backwards? When did everything change and why didn't anyone tell me? And where did all the real men go? And why do women seemingly have to do everything now? I have to ask out the guy, plan the dates, pay equally, wash the clothes, do all the cleaning, hold down a powerful and well-paying full time job and birth and raise your children? What they heck are the men doing while we are supposedly expected to do all of this? Bull. I'm calling it. That guy must be mistaking.

This can't be the new dating reality. I refuse it.

***In case my Facebook friend guy mentioned in this post is reading since my mom sent you the link to this blog, while I mention you in the post, you are not the actual target here. You were simply the trigger to an issue that's been bothering me for a while. Thanks for the reminder and good luck finding what you need. Hope I didn't cause any ill will — I'm honest to a fault and meant no harm at all.***